Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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