I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think we might need a safe word for this...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
