Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
