i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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