why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
