cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How does it feel to date your dad?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
