My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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