Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
