I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
