I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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