I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
