No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
