I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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