Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
