it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
