this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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