Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
