THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
