Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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