sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
