Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
