reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
