you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
