i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
