The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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