Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
