I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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