So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
