is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
