But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
