Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
