You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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