yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Actions speak louder than pants.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
