Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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