office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dignity is for republicans.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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