im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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