discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
