What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
