How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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