I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
