Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
