So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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