he wants to bone in the snuggie
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
