You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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