shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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