Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just pee around me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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