dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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