I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize