maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
