I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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