I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Of course I have a pirate flag
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize