While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
