Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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