We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Fuck appropriateness.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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