Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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