The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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