I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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