i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
