I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
