I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
