i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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