I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
