Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
