theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
