those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
