Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
