come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize