She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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