did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
