yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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