not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
