I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
