So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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