As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
