Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
