kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
