At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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