he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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