WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
