i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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